Feeling the pressure

A week to go until my attempt to qualify for the USA National Triathlon Championships, and I'm feeling the pressure. Some things are going really well, others not, and its been a difficult few weeks on the run-up. Work has been a bit of a nightmare and I hate to admit it but I'm completely stressed out by it. It's affecting my sleep, and my state of mind, and all of that is impacting my performance. Only a few weeks ago I felt like I had everything under control at work, and was feeling great. One particular week I did some terrific sessions on the bike followed by powerful brick runs at little over 7 minute mile pace. Yes, I was working hard to do it, but at the same time it felt "easy". Perhaps "natural" would be a better way to describe it, but whatever the word, I felt good; I felt strong, and I felt confident. Then..... BLAM! I got hijacked by some work stuff. I'm normally way ahead, I know what's going on, I can predict reactions, understand the politics and feel the "pulse" of it all. I don't say this to sound smart, I'm being factual. I've been in business for a long time, and I work hard to do all the above, so its one of my strengths. But the hijacking took me totally by surprise. I was ambushed, big time, and it seemed everyone took the opportunity to take a kick while I was on the ropes. I recovered OK, and I probably did over-react in the first place, but the effect is the same. My sleep, my training, my recovery, and my performance have suffered. I've had some great rides, and some lovely running, and I've even ticked the "OWS" (Open Water Swim) box, but I'm having to really work to get the results. Yesterday, for example, I was out riding "The Paradise Loop" in Marin, just North of San Francisco. It was a beautiful day, the roads were quiet early on, I was on my new TT bike and in good company. The Paradise Loop is well-named, and there's a section of about 6 miles riding along a coastal road down into Tiburon that is so beautiful it's almost unreal. If there is such a thing as Paradise, it would be modeled on this piece of the world. There's some very lucky people who live here, for sure. My interest though, is more to do with the riding, and this route was perfect training for next week's race as it has the same basic profile. I set out with the ambition to do a full-on race pace effort down this piece of road, and I left my cycling buddy in my wake as I scorched those 6 miles. I was putting everything into it. and felt good and strong. I was holding around 21 MPH and the Zipp wheels were maintaining all the moementum so I kept speed through bends and up slight rises. I was staying on the tribars almost all the time, and pumping the pedals with good, sustainable power. I overcooked one bend in particular, trying to stay down on the tribars and then realising at the last moment that I would have to brake. Coming off the bars unsettled everything, shifting my weight to take the corner made it worse, and then the actual braking exaggerated all the bad stuff. Imagine going into a road bend too hot in your car, and slamming the brakes on just at the apex of the corner - not good! I bounced over the very high cats eyes and overpainted yellow lines which unsettled things even more. A cyclist coming the other way must have been having a good laugh at my expense as I bounced around on the wrong side of the road trying to get everything under control again. Happily it wasn't a car, that would have been a quite different story. My mate Hamish is in hospital right now having had a big crash, smashing his helmet and wrecking his bike. He is lucky to be alive; I was lucky too, but as soon as I had everything back in control I was back down on the tribars and giving it loads. My only concern at the time was the speed I'd lost.  I kept the pressure on all the way into the beautiful - if a bit twee - little town of Tiburon, across the bay from San Francisco. I finished off with an all-out sprint touching 30 MPH before braking for the roundabout. I checked my Garmin, and was happy. Oscar came in around 40 seconds later. "I coudn't get near you!" He called me Spartacus for the rest of the day (That's Ex-World Champion Time Triallist Fabian Cancellara's nickname). So it was a great effort and a great result, I was very pleased. I've also had some good runs, with a lunchtime speed set returning 6 * 1 mile efforts well below 7 minute mile pace. The OWS hasn't been such a good tale, but I've got out there and done it when my entire being is screaming "NO!" at the top of its voice. I hate OWS; I hate every aspect of it: the water, the currents, the cold, the taste, the sound, and the smell. I hate being in it, and every second, every stroke is my own personal hell. I can't breathe very well, my chest is so tight I can't get enough air in or extend my stroke enough. I feel like I'm swimming with a vice around me, but its the fear that's gripping me. So its little surprise that I don't go very fast. When I come out I look like death, and I can't walk without staggering like a drunk. It takes quite a while to recover, by which time I'm well into the bike leg having lost god-knows how much time as a result. It's a fair question to ask why I do a sport that requires me to do something I detest so much, but the answer to that is so complex it'll take a blog to itself. The last few days I've been doing a lot of race-pace efforts and bricks (run after swim, run after bike), but this is where the stress is taking its toll. Its making my recovery poor, so I'm carrying too much tiredness. I get onto the run section and there's not much there. I did a 30 minute set after the bike ride and, even taking into account that I'd put a lot into the bike session, my run was poor. I struggled to stay under 8 minute mile pace, and I struggled to do 4 miles. A few weeks ago I was bashing out near 7 minute pace without any problem, but now it felt like a long way off. It was the same after yesterday's swim. The pace was a little better but I was feeling so bad after the OWS I'm not even sure if I was running in a straight line! So, with a week to go, I'm feeling tired and I can't seem to turn that around. My objective for the race is straightforward: to qualify for the Nationals, I have to win my age group. I'll be giving everyone a head start out of the swim because I'm so bad at that, and then I'll spend the rest of the race chasing them down, trying to coax a decent performance out of a tired body. It feels like a big ask. My coach sent me an email saying: "You've outworked all your competitors every day this year; you've got this!" But I don't know that hard work alone is going to be enough. I should be feeling more positive about myself at this point, but sadly, I don't. The pressure is on.