The London Marathon

It took me 4 years to get a London place, and it looks like 10 days to blow it. I was going OK, not stellar but good enough, I thought, for 3:30. Initially I wanted to do 3:00. Considering I've never broken 1:30 for a half that was probably always a bit of a stretch, but in any case it fell away during a disrupted Autumn. I came out fighting after Christmas and managed a consistent month of solid training, albeit most of it on a turbo trainer in a hotel in Georgia. I revised my target to a more realistic 3:30. Training was going OK, I got in some long runs and mostly managed to hover around 8 minute miling, which would have given me the 3:30. I secretly thought that with the race head on 3:20 was a strong possibility, and when I had a great week of training up in the lakes for a week while on holiday, I was feeling good. 8 and a bit minute miling on a strict alcohol and pie diet off road had to translate into a sub-3:30 with rest and no booze. I got back to work feeling good, and did a Wednesday night bypass run with Rich and Steve. All night I struggled with the pace. I kept battling to get back with them, but every time I got there I fell off the back again. I was pretty distraught when I got home. None of us were wearing monitors so I had no real idea of how good ( or not ) the pace had been. The following morning I woke feeling a bit rough and with a bit of a cough. Nothing to write home about, but there. I didn't train for 3 days, in order to recover fully, but it didn't seem to make much difference. On Saturday I didn't feel too lively, but I thought: "I've really got to do something" so I went out with a 6-7 mile route in mind. I have a favourite which goes up through styal woods and round the airport perimeter road, but when I set off I felt like I was dying. I heaved and puffed and sweated, and generally felt bad. I knocked off the pace, initially voluntarily, but after about a mile it was no longer my choice. I was in bad shape, and I felt like stopping. I hadn't felt this bad on a run since I ran with food poisoning a few years ago, and it was all I could do keep moving. I did eventually get my pace back to 8 minute miles - just about - but it was entirely out of stubbornness. The body was not at all willing. When I got back home my wife asked innocently if I'd had a good run. "Shocking!" Was all I could manage in response. I haven't run since. That's 6 days now, and 10 days since the last decent run. I do not feel like a man who can do a marathon. I know how it feels to have an injury break, where all the irrational fears come out and you think the fitness goblins have crept into your bedroom and stolen the last 5 years work, but this is different. I am genuinely concerned because I've never done a marathon. It's un chartered territory and I don't want to do some longer term damage by pushing through. If it was a triathlon, or a 10k, I'd be ok. But I know that if I put myself on the marathon start line, I'll finish it, whatever it does to me. What will that do to me? I don't know. I'm scared. So Mr sensible says don't do it, stop now. mr stubborn says you've booked a train and a hotel, you've trained for it, get on with it. As my dad would have said: "don't be a big girls blouse. Get on with it!" I don't want to be a big girls blouse (and yes, I know you're probably not allowed to say that now and if I was minister for work and pensions I'd have to resign). So, there's the dilemma. The day creeps closer....